"...and from that time for several months I was in utmost Despair, and if any time I would endeavour to hope or lay hold of any Gracious promise, the old Accuser would Come in, telling me, it was now too Late, I had withstood the day of Mercy till it was over, & that I should add to my Sins by praying for Pardon & provoke Divine Vengeance to make a Monument of Wrath of me. I was like one already in torment; my Sleep Departed from me, I Eat little, I became extremely melancholy, and took no delight in any thing. Had all the world been mine & the Glory of it, I would now have Gladly a given it for one glimpse of hope; My husband was Shock'd, to See me so changed, I that once Could divert him with a Song (in which he greatly delighted), nay after I grew Religious as to the outward, could now Do it no longer. My Singing now was turned into mourning & my Dancing into Lamentations: my Nights and Days were one Continual Scene of Sorrows: I let none know my Desperate Condition - My husband used all means in his power to divert my Melancholy, but in vain, the wound was too Deep to be healed with any thing short of the true Balm of Gilead. I Durst not go much alone for fear of Evil Spirits, but when I did my husband would not suffer it, & if I took the Bible, he would take it from me saying, 'how you are altered, you used to be agreeable Company but now I have no Comfort of you.'I endeavoured to bear all with Patience, expecting soon to bear more than man could inflict upon me" (156-157).
Source: Ashbridge, Elizabeth. "Some Account of the Fore Part of the Life of Elizabeth Ashbridge." Journeys in New Worlds: Early American Women's Narratives. Ed. William L. Andrews, Sargent Bush, Jr., Annette Kolodny, Amy Schrager Lang, and Daniel B. Shea. Madison, WI: The University of Wisconsin Press, 1990.
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